the laws have been broken
Monday, February 27, 2006
remember those happy daysi guess i'm fed up with my life.
depressed over every fucking thing that has gone wrong
and i feel like wallowing
and i knw that is unhealthy but i feel like doing it all the same.
i feel like crying in pain.
in fear.
but i dun want to allow myself to cry anymore.
because crying makes u tired.
makes you dehydrated.
im always in stale mate.
stuck in between nothing.
suddenly had an inkling to write again
just now while i was invigilating.
i am really fucked wth everything
and i'm starting to get paranoid again
is this what always happens when ur stuck in awe.
and i look at her
but i know i could never. and she would never.
i believe that im being stupid.
don't you think so?
so yeah.. depression really makes you want to write
makes you have the inspiration to share your sorrows with the world
which is why im not a humour writer
cos i can only write deep fiction
based on a tangle of webs
all intertwined together to make that perfect seamless story
and yet i don't know what to pen down.
because i'm afraid.
because im afraid that what will come out from my hands
are the true reflections of my barren soul
and everything is dead now.
and to love again
even if i wanted to..i could never give myself
not even to her.
haiz.
fuck.
need to fag again.
why do i do this to myself?
--insignificant lies--
11:33 pm
what we cant have
Saturday, February 25, 2006
listening to sad ziana zain songs.
which are now on my slower jams playlist
the should however be in my slow jams
instead.
Menanti kunjungan hampir pasti
Mengharap titis embun pagi
Dan bagai menadah gerimis
Yang masih pulang pergi
yesterday night
went out for dinner with the colleagues
minus shiqin. ironically she's the bday girl.
so we went to A&A
after that me, shag, hana n filza went to watch
'casanova'
which was shit ass funny
unexpected for what i tot wld be a quick romp movie.
then played pool with shag in town.
hana went off to meet her lover boy.
filza went home to slp
hahaha..
i totally thrashed shag..haha..
the pool table was damn sexy la..haha..
after that midnight snacked at MACS @ lido..
nuggets at 2am in the morning..
and passion tea..
and girl talk..
it was really fun..
shag is sweet..
what a waste she's straight.
i even told her that its a waste she's straight.
cos i wld so go for her if she was gay.
so many women shld just be gay for my benefit
cos men dont deserve them.hahahahaha.. :P
came home abt 3 plus..
and only then i realised in my rush i left my key at work.
urgh!
so stuck outside.
worse..my phone batt was dead.
managed to squeeze in two msg..one to shag n one to hana
shag help me msg my sister..but of course she didnt hear.
in the end hana was my saviour..
luckily she's smart and she went to find me at my house.
i was sitting on the floor outside like a dodo..
haha..
ended up sleeping at her place..
nto really sleeping..btu talking..
haha..
despite all that.
it was a fun night..
=)
miss them already.
cant wait for monday!
--insignificant lies--
11:27 pm
girl you make me sing
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
haiz..
big problem.
i forgot the rules.
and now i;m in..
i think
but lets pretend im not.
andi never was.
and i dont want to be.
but i do keep on doing it..
and i wanna stop
but it comes on coming to my mind.
and i dun want it to be that way.
all i want is to be the way it used too..
fuck.
im in shite.
i dunno why i always do this to myself.
i must really stop.
STOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!
--insignificant lies--
11:32 pm
the general rule
Monday, February 20, 2006
ok as a general rule..
we of the gay community should NEVER
fall or be attracted to someone who is straight..
bi ppl are ok..
but straight ppl..BIG no no..
thru experience..
falling for a straight person
can only lead you to downward spiral of meaningless hope,
desperation, illusions, incurable heartache and even worse..
death..
it is the worse form of unrequited love.
for you know you have no control whatsoever
and u are enslaved to this one person
completely..wholly
and u cannot detach yourself..
and the person will never attach to you..and so..
you float like a corpse in water..
waiting to sink deeper and deeper.
and your mind, your body, craves to be touched
to be held..
but you can never..
they would never..
so u pray..
and u hope.
but u know it will never come true
but yet you pray and you hope
and hope and hope
that one day they would have an
aberration..
but they never will..
and you will always remain alone.
enslaved to that person, mind body and soul..
even till many years later when u think back
you feel a sense of loss..
a sense of loss of dignity
a sense of loss of your bearings.
and when u see their face..
you wonder..
if only..
if only you had remembered the rules..i watched the ep 6 of the L word..
amazing stuff..
so it made me realise so many gay womaen fall for straight ppl
its that notion that you can never have them..
it makes them all the more desirable..
in the case of bette and tina..
bette did manage to turn tina..
but now tina is unsure..unsure whether she has feelings for men..
and to quote tina " it almost never goes the way you want it to"
and its true..
and it sucks.
even if you had wanted nothing..
so if u ever fall for a straight person..
let go..
just let it go..
get over it and move on..
before the worse happens..
haiz.
my mind works on overdrive at night.
wish i cld put it to some good use..
instead.
--insignificant lies--
2:15 am
kids
Thursday, February 16, 2006
next week
is my kids revision test
pretty freaked for them
i know they're only middle ability.
further more the lower end of the middle
ability spectra
but i still have hopes
a woman can dream.
im supposed to be crawling into bed
but i've been having fuckingly
"nostalgic" dreams
about a certain woman
i used to know
a certain woman i used to love
and it bugs me
its be so many years
but i can never truly get her out of my system
for someone who cant give a fuck about anything else
can u imagine how this truly bugs me that i give a damn?
who knows how she feels now..
who she loves now..
who she is now as a matter of fact
but the person those years ago..
she was amazing..
haiz..
enough already..
or else i'll be having those fuck ass dreams again
blogspot is so good cos i can say fuck as much as i want..
fuck.
there i said it again.
yeah i do say fuck a lot.
its my catch phrase..
haiz..
miss pali..
wish she was here..
its like they're there and then they're not.
life.
i really wanna jump into bed.
maybe later.
bought new running shoes today
i have big feet by the way.
i'm a man!
yah i am!
i swear.
i wear size 11 womens..
but sadly there's no such thing as a size 11 in bleeding singapore
so i'm a man
i bought this grey shoes with red stripes.
pretty simple
but the red really hits it at the right spot
i'm all red now baby..
red house..
red shirts..
red like shoes.
gosh!
friday need to do cheers again
but man..no hell idea..
well gonna go..
feel like fagging now..
haha..the irony..
-girl on girl-
hahhaa..
:P
--insignificant lies--
12:54 am
bored phuck
Thursday, February 09, 2006
so i thought i'd say hi..
so there hi!
im bored. its at night. cant sleep. cos i just took a bath
went to MOS. first time.
its pretty nice.
but bloody idiot guys there..
im not fucking interested.
yeah im bi..
so?
im definitely more women proned..
haha..
oh wellz..
bored anyways..
tot i'd post another photo of the love of my life
JB- jennifer beals..
sighs =)
beams.
and all that.
i hate the new season of L word ya.
it really blows.
i see bette n tina fighting all the time.
they havent even kissed once!
not even once!!!!
URGH!!!!
freak..
i think cos they gave us that OMFG scene so now thats all...
cold turkey..
freaks..
lemme die now in peace..
--insignificant lies--
4:53 am
